Bullying - An Ugly...But Necessary Subject

With the start of a new school year right around the corner, now is a fitting time to address an ugly-but-necessary subject: bullying. While great strides have been taken 
among many school districts to prevent bullying (including "zero-tolerance" policies), the fact remains that one in seven grade-school students in the United States have either been a victim of bullying or have been bullies themselves.

More than ever, it's important for all adults (not just parents!) to take a stand against bullying. This means taking the time to talk to children about bullying and reacting appropriately when witnessing or hearing about childhood bullying.

If Your Child is Being Bullied

First of all, understand that a child may not always come to you to report bullying at school. Often times, children who are being bullied are either too scared of retaliation or too embarrassed to report bullying—either to you or a school staff member. As a result, parents and other adults (grandparents, caretakers, etc.) should be on the lookout for common signs of bullying.

The most common sign of bullying is a child who suddenly develops a lack of interest in school. Your child who normally gets excited to go to school each day may suddenly ask to stay home or even try to fake sick in an effort to be kept home. Your child may also become more clingy than usual, or may no longer hang out with his or her "usual" group of friends.

Be on the lookout for physical signs of bullying, as well. A child frequently coming home from school with scrapes and bruises is not normal! Even if your child claims the injuries are from playing at recess or gym, it's worth investigating further.

Any time your child is being bullied at school, the first course of action should be to report the bullying to the highest level of school administration possible. Do not allow cases of bullying to be brushed off. If you have to go above the school's principal to a headmaster or superintendent, do it! Be sure to bring along any "evidence" or documentation of the bullying, even if it didn't happen on school grounds. This can include screenshots that prove cyber-bullying, as well.

What if Your Child is the Bully?

On the flip side of the same coin, what should you do as a parent if your child is the one doing the bullying? First of all, your child probably isn't going to admit or volunteer the fact that he or she is a bully, so you'll need to be on the lookout for common signs, including problems in dealing with anger and violent outbursts at home.

If specific instances of bullying have been reported to you, taking action is a must. Start by finding out exactly what happened and then asking your child for his or her side of the story. From there, take steps to help your child feel empathy towards the child or children that have been bullied. Often times, getting your child to envision him or herself in that person's shoes can be an effective way to teach empathy.

Finally, take steps to resolve the issue by making sure your child "owns" what he or she did and formally apologizes. Depending on the specific situation, your child may also have to face formal punishment through the school district (suspension, detention, etc.).

Setting a Good Example

 Speaking to children about bullying doesn't have to be so "doom and gloom." Adults can actually use these conversations as a means of encouraging children to be kind and bringing happiness to others. Furthermore, adults should focus on leading by example when it comes to bullying. This means having no tolerance for bullying when you witness it in public, whether it be child-on-child bullying or even adult-on-adult.

As a bystander, you should always speak up when you witness bullying in public. One of the most compassionate things you can do, however, is to provide an escape for the person being bullied. Invite them to leave the area with you so they can feel safe. If you don't feel safe leaving the area with them or if you think someone is at risk of being physically harmed, don't hesitate to call police to intervene.

Taking the time to speak to someone who is being bullied and let them know you're there for them can make all the difference. All too often, victims of bullying are led to believe that they deserve this kind of treatment, and actually hearing someone else tell them it's not okay to be bullied may be life-changing.

Bullying is never a fun subject to address, but if we as a society are going to eliminate bullying at all ages, we need to teach children the differences between right and wrong as early as possible.